Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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