Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Mom said you looked used
you had me at cake vodka
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
