$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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