actually, I'm a sock model
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
