she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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