I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
