As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
