No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
