Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
