Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
