Your face is a jimmy john
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
