if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
