You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
