Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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