The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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