I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
