You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
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Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
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I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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