I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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