im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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