i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Im part way to drunk.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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