how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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