i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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