no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
