Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Randomize
