i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
