Your mouth is God's brothel.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
