I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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