well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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