no, he came in my armpit
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize