i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
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