what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
