ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
