my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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