I'm gonna have a badass scar
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize