Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
