I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
