i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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