there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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