Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
