so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
