i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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