I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
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