somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
