Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
