Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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