dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
how drunk are you?
Several
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
