You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
