Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
