Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
