I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
