don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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