its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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