My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
