Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Everything about him screamed your future.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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