took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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