I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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