So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
