Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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