I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
