Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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