is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
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Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
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she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize