I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
