i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
