So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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