It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
