I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
