So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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