dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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