dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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