Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
