Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
