Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
if only i could text you this smell
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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