He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
