Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
