Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I FOUND THE LEGS
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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