I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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