We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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