They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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