wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
