i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
